The so called hypo manic episodes were just before I went full on manic. I’m so thankful that I’ve so far haven’t been violent, it’s not who I am. But I put alot of pressure on them to let me transfer to another clinic. I just had enough when they had ignored me for 4/5 months not giving me an appointment and only offering a phone call with the doctor when I wouldn’t stop asking for help. The doctor told me that depression has nothing to do with bipolar. By the time I’d finally got an appointment, I’d had several major panic attacks, I had become paranoid and had even begun questioning myself, I had difficulties trusting the medical system, I’d had several mixed episodes where I couldn’t focus enough to understand what I had around me. And when they saw me in that state they asked me, while I was having a major anxiety attack, why I had called for an appointment and what my intentions and expectations were, basically the doctor sat in the chair in front of me just repeating the same questions. They told me that this isn’t the xxx we know and have had contact with and straight out told me that they wanted to have the old me back. Mind you, the person they had in mind was the manic me and they didn’t offer any type of help to get me there. The doctor once again told me that anxiety attacks and depression has nothing to do with bipolar disorder. I had gone into such a bad panic attack that the only thing I could do to calm myself was to count how many there where of a object. Anything to distract from my anxiety. They didn’t help and told me that they were calling social services/cps since I have a small child and I’m clearly unstable 🙄😤Back to the rest of my life, well I’m still studying.
I managed to pass all my courses except for one. I was scheduled to start working from 4/6. But the stress and exhaustion got to me and I had a panic attack at work. I went home saying that I had kräksjuka where you basically keep throwing up. It’s contagious and I since I looked like a ghost they believed me. I called the new clinic and explained my situation and asked for an appointment. They told me to contact a different clinic and told me that they have the emergency appointments, I just needed to tell them where I was listed. I did that and was told to stay home for a week and that they would give the first available emergency slot. So now I’m at home trying to avoid all kind of stress and relax while waiting for my appointment. As I said, I’ve been through a lot but nothing’s actually changed. I’ve spent the last couple of days watching movies and serials and cooking. I hope to be able to sew some clothes. I bought a cardigan and two dresses. The dresses are made of the same type of fabric that’s used to make umbrellas 😂😂 I wrote that this isn’t what you wrote and showed in the description. They didn’t want the dresses and just gave me my money back 😂😅 the cardigan is soooo pretty 😍 but the only problem is that since I’m now a hijabi I simply look ridiculous wearing it 😂😂😂 so I’m thinking of altering all three and hope they’re salvageable 😅😅 that’s it for now, hope you’re all doing well🌸❤️🌸
/xoxoxo 🦋
No comments:
Post a Comment