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 It's been a long and hard day. I spent most of the night awake with my son and you all know how well bipolar goes with no sleep especially when you've already taken your meds. But I made it through and around 5am my parents took over and I got about 3 hours of sleep. I'm still feeling ok to be honest, my symptoms were almost nonexistent during the day and the anxiety was okay to start with. Then I found out that my former idiot boss has made a huge mess for me at work and I might be losing it.. Yay me, right?! Now I have to figure out how to get a new job if they do decide to fire me, well they won't do that cause then I'd get severance pay.

They'll do what they did to all my friends, offer 2 alternatives. One is to shift to another department that they know everybody hates or quit. I told them at the beginning that it would never be an option for me so they might as well fire me because I won't accept that position when I signed a contract for my current position. Well either way I'm screwed because if I am forced to quit I'll need a new job, if they fire me I'll still need a new job. 

My day wasn't all that good after all of this, we had an opintment  with the oncologist today for my mom, apparently they were very happy that my mom decided to have the more "drastic"operation and remove the entire breast because there were cancer through out it. And not only that, the type of cancer she has, it can reappear anywhere in her body so there will always be a chance for her to get cancer again. 

Right now all I can do is to stay strong for everybody and figure out how I either get to keep my job or find another one because I can't afford to not be working. 

This is real life I guess, something's always going to be bad but the light in all this was my little one. He was all cuddles today and I loved every single minute of it. No matter how bad I felt I had his smile. I always thought that this bond couldn't be that strong, yes you love your kid but to forget how tired you are and all.. Bullshitology!! Well turns out there is some truth in it, your exhaustion doesn't disappear, you're still so tired that all you want is a warm bed but that smile gives you enough energy and happiness for you to make it through the rest of the evening.  😊

Song of the day...

Sweet dreams//🦋