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 🤶 🎄 🎉 🥳MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!! 🥳🎉🎄🤶

I haven't written anything in a while. I've been busy spending time with my son and just watching Christmas movies and decorating gingerbread cookies. I've also had a really bad migraine on and off and could hardly get out of bed some days. It got so bad that I had to go to the hospital. I'm better now and hope I stay that way. My symptoms haven't been that bad but I've noticed that I've been shopping way to much.  I mean really wayyyy to much. That's one of my weaknesses and my biggest red flag.  I just hope that I'm not on my way to a manic episode. 

I had my sister over and somehow we ended up talking about my bipolar and she started with her "there's no way you're type 1, I've seen type one and you're not even close to it so stop with the pity party.". The thing is that I was diagnosed by a doctor who worked with bipolar patients. She was an amazing doctor and she really helped me a lot. I've been re diagnosed twice, first with this doctor and then by the doctor that replaced her when she went on maternity leave. She said that I was a textbook patient with bipolar. type 1. She said that there was no doubt in her mind, but she was surprised that I've managed to live a relatively normal life. She said that my symptoms were severe, she saw some of them while adjusting my meds, but I didn't live in a home where I had extra help when needed. I didn't have government help to manage my economy or help me take care of all the documents and subscriptions that I needed. She toke so many test on me, and sent me to take a IQ test. I went to the department of the hospital to see the nurses and doctors that did these test on patients that are sent by their doctor. I think I went once a week for one-two months before the results were sent to my doctor. Anyway, my point is that my sister may be a doctor, but she isn't a specialist. She didn't see my when I was on my way out of a psychosis and into depression and had a hard time connecting the simplest things. I was struggling with normal things like understanding what a person was telling me and just connecting the dots. I went for my physical exercise for my back and couldn't even connect where my personal trainer was. She would say my name and I would be looking around trying to find her when she was less then 3 metres in front of me. It was like my mind was so far behind that I was struggling to keep up. And then I crashed and went into a really bad depression. 

The thing is that a lot of us with bipolar are surrounded with people that doesn't believe us. They think we're either making it all up to get attention or that we're exaggerating. It's hard to understand this hell when you haven't been here. My sister isn't a bad person, she just didn't believe I was bipolar until a few months ago. She didn't want to believe that her baby sister were as bad off and some of the people she'd seen. And now that she had to accept the fact that I am the way I am, well she just doesn't believe it's as bad as it is. She's seen me when I'm depressed, not my full on depression but just feeling down. She thinks that's my worst episodes. 

I guess my point in all of this is that I've been there, through hell and back going up and down. Don't let anybody tell you what you're feeling or what bipolar is, if you have it or are just an attention seeker in their eyes. You know who you are, you know that bipolar is a part of you that'll never let you be. The important part is to accept yourself and try to make the best of the situation. 

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